messed up

It has been a roller coaster ride for me these past months. April 8, the love of my life arrived here in the Philippines. Amidst our distance and his health problems, he was able to endure it and fly here and be with me. I know that this is a sign from God that He wants us to be together and that He'll call him to the church. That was one of the happiest days of my life, seeing him for the first time. The next few days after that, we got to learn a lot from each other. I toured him in the nearby malls where we hang out and talk.

When he started meeting one of the ministers here, I know it will be a hard one. Not because we cant back up our beliefs in the bible but the studies turn into debates. I kind of like it too since I know that he wont be a blind follower or that he wont convert to my church just for me but because he believes in what we believe in, and that he was called to the church. I was hoping these talks will result to him seeing what we saw. Since then, it has been an up and down ride. We get along well except when it's about religion.

It has been known to us inside the church that the persecution is no longer outside but inside the church, among members being stumbling blocks. What we just do is either talk to the person or try to ignore him since we are all responsible for our salvation. Unfortunately, he met these stumbling blocks on the time that he is still seeking answers to his questions. This gave the impression to him that clearly, this is a sign that the church does not teach the right doctrines because its members behave this way.

The last straw came when he wanted to stop and I made a deal with him to talk to one of our ministers in Central. He told me that if he saw one teaching that is not in the bible, then he'll walk out of that meeting and he's already done, and that I have to choose him and denounce my faith. I agreed since I know all of our teachings are from the bible. I then prayed fervently, hoping that He'll show him the light which would be a way for him to called to the church.

As a member, there are ministers that I like the style of teaching and there are ministers that I don't. Unfortunately, the minister that I had an appointment to had a class and his minister friend whom I first talked to was the one who accommodated us. Maybe in a way it was the right thing to happen since the minister had stayed long in the US not just to preach but to study so he knows the culture of the people there.

Unfortunately, in one of their discussions, the minister said that the term "complete" apostasy is our conclusion and not in the bible. And he didn't wait for the proofs in the bible which is backed up by history behind that conclusion and he stood up and was ready to leave. The minister asked him why he is standing up and asked him to sit down. They had a discussion and when he was at the door, the minister told us not to stop him and let him. I don't know why the minister did this.

Now, I am torn. Really torn. He had made a FB post that he will propose to me and has asked his friends to sort of welcome me or something. I know that life without him is like living in zombie land. I'll go through the notions of living without ever living it. I had lived this in the last 2 years we've been on and off because of religion. But I don't know if I can stand losing my faith. I know what I believe in are based on the bible and not just interpretations and even if the people are not that ok and has faults, I had learned long ago not to be affected by them and just live my own life and try to bring glory to God's name.

I don't know why this is happening. And I don't know what I'll do.

Blessed Monday

Yesterday was a blessed day. I was looking for a third part time job since my 2 part time jobs are not that active. I'm not really looking for the sake of money but more for experience and to fill in the gaps. I found out that I can work more efficiently in my full time job if there are things I do in between. Yesterday, the third part time job came, it was unexpected but welcome.

Also, there's a church duty that I was praying for. Last night, a friend from church went to our place because our pastor wants me to attend the seminar for my church duty. I was elated! I was dressing up when he arrived and I hurriedly finish and went to church. It was a blessed evening!

All in all, yesterday was a good day!

A Different Kind of Working Experience

Working from home has opened new doors, and new experiences for me. I was able to try and do jobs that I'm curious to do but don't have the chance because of my position in the office, or just can't because it's out of my line of career and my work experience. Before venturing out, I can see that I can do a lot of things that I was limited to do when I was still in the office. And I'm right. Though admittedly, working from home is not that stable a career. That's why one needs to be prepared for months earning only minimal or no income if one wants to venture into this field. Luckily, I had prepared for that. I gave myself at least 3 months to try this out.

My first 3 months paid well. I had a stable work-from-home job as a Project Manager, which is in my line of work. I was earning the same salary I was when I was still working in an office, but have the flexibility of time, as long as I can deliver what is asked of me. I was also able to practice again my applicant sourcing skills, which I missed and loved doing in one of my previous job. I thought this is a long-term job but things happen. My boss encountered some financial problems and have to let me go.

After that, I was lucky to be hired as a part time personal assistant. During the trial phase, I thought my boss is cold, he was too formal on his communications with me. That doesn't mean that it's hard to communicate with him, in fact he answers inquiries fast. So I just did what I need to do to finish the job. There were two of us whom he has shortlisted and luckily, he chose me. After that, things changed. He became more at ease to talk to. Maybe that's just part of his test. I've been working for him for a month now, part time, and even though I'm earning a little less than the minimum wage, it's a learning experience for me which I know I can't try out and do when I'm working in an office. And it's more than enough to pay the utility bills lol.

I then met an employer who showed me the other side of applicant sourcing. I thought that all applicants are prepared. Prepared meaning they send their resume on jobs their applying for at the very least. I learned that I'm wrong. There were many applicants who would just send you an email asking if they can apply for the job without sending their resume. Some send their resume without any subject and cover letter. Still, there were others who used cover letter templates, which they send to every company that their applying for. How did I know that this is the case? Well, either they forgot to change the position that they are applying for, or they just attached both the cover letter and the resume to their email lol. It was a funny, though sometimes irritating experience. Even though, I still think that recruitment is one of the enjoyable jobs.

Happy 19th Birthday to me!

Earlier, I had posted that end of the world is my birthday. My birthday ended and nothing end-of-the-world-y happened. But what happened today are:

• 2nd day of another full time job. I applied, got interviewed, and started yesterday with this job. Though it's still in the testing phase, I hope this is the start of good start (redundant eh? lol)
• Lots of part-time opportunities. I need a part-time job now specially that I'm not sure how much I'll get in the testing phase of my current full time job, if any. Though I really hope that I'll get paid
• Just for laughs, I earlier posted that a job interview made me wait an hour and a half which resulted from the interview being cancelled by me. (Well, I really hate time-wasters). Now, the recruiter messaged me early in the morning inquiring what position I'm applying. I was surprised and I'm really wondering if I'm still interested for that job because I'm really not interested in working with her lol
• The highlight of my birthday is when our beloved pastor went to our home. I really feel blessed.

Waiting....

One thing I've realized that I hate about going to interviews when applying for a job is the waiting period. It has been 2 years since I applied for a job and I already forgot about that. The interviews I have in my work-from-home job applications are always on time, which made me forget about that waiting time. Until now. I have an interview scheduled at 9:30AM and I hurriedly did the things I have to do before that time comes. But 30 minutes after and the interview hasn't started yet. I had already caught her attention by messaging her that I'm ready for the interview and she answered with an "okay". It seems she's the one who is not yet ready to give the interview lol. I am fighting the urge to interview her instead hahaha. Oh well. One of my flaws is I'm inpatient. It's the reason why I hate office meetings since I can't do anything while in a meeting. Which is very different when I'm working from home where meetings are productive. Oh well.... this waiting is really making me sleepy... *yawn*

Wee!!!!

Finally, after trial and error of configurations, I've successfully set my wifi connection here at home! Now, I'm using this wirefree! Almost, that is lol. I just need to buy a new laptop battery and I can work anywhere I want. In this house of course lol. And some more tinkering and I'll be making my mobile more hitech and useful (ie, more personalized apps installed).

I'm just so happy! Well, this is the benefit of not being given anything to do by my boss lol

World's Biggest Domed Arena

To God be the Glory

Lazy Saturday

Since I've started working, I wasn't able to have much lazy weekend. It's because I'm excited working from home, and enjoying what I do so I tend to work in between browsing around and stuff. Plus mom and I had become closer since I worked from home, which is good, so we tend to go out and stuff.

Today, I'm having a lazy Saturday. I'm not in the mood to work, it's my day off. And my boss didn't reply to my email, which is good, so I won't be tempted to work. I missed this kind of day, though I like it as it is. Too many lazy weekends causes boredom. This is just right. I get to appreciate it. Heaven.

Another good thing that happened is I've got to talk / webcam with my love. Missed those times and I'm happy we're back again and happy that we're able to see each other again. Even if we both have sleepy tendencies today lol.

Saturday has just started and I'm looking forward to more good things coming.

What a vacation

I couldn't help but think that my previous vacation was more stressful than relaxing. I always try to think of the happy stuffs but unfortunately, the happy stuffs are tinged with sad memories.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. During the weekend, I realized that what happened was just a way to show me who my real friends are. Glad I wasn't that close to them, but nevertheless, I was still hurt.

All I want right now is move on, be stress-free from their, or her clutch. I honestly don't mind anymore the extra costs I incurred. Not that I don't need the money. But I can earn the money back and I can charge my loss to experience. What's more important to me now is to be stress-free and be totally free from her. To be totally relieved and move on. No doubt she has moved on, she already have her pictures. And I think it's my right to move on myself. I'm not asking for much, am I?

Tai Taxi Incident

I would just like to share what happened during my recent trip to Davao. It's actually what happened before I got to the airport. This is not to defame anyone but to warn everyone so that this incident wont happen again.

I called the Tai Taxi base at around 930pm Sunday, July 31 to request for a pickup at 3AM the following day, Monday, August 1. The operator who answered my call is Jozel, and I specifically asked her if I can be at the airport at 330am if I leave here at 3am and she said yes. I told her where I'll be picked up, on the corner of Purok 6 and Ilaya streets in Alabang.

August 1. around 230am, I called Tai Taxi base again and asked what's the plate number of the taxi who'll pick me up. She verified if it's for 3AM pickup and I said yes. She said the plate number of the taxi is TYE 626. I asked her if the driver knows where I'll be picked up and she said yes.

245AM, the driver of TYE 626, Maqui, texted me and asked me where he'll pick me up. I was surprised since the operator told me he already knew where I'll be picked up. Nonetheles, I gave him the place and told him how to get there.

2:59AM, no sign of the taxi yet. I texted Maqui and asked him to text me if he's already at the agreed pick-up place. He replied with "ok po, wait lang po tnx".

3:05AM, I texted him again, telling him to tell me if he already got lost. He didnt replied back. 3:09 I called him and he said that he was in the men's room but is on his way. 3:13AM, I told him to text me because we'll be late. He again replied at 3:15 with a "ok po mam tnx".

3:16 I asked him where he is and told him the time. He then replied back at 3:19 and told me that he might be lost. He also texted me that we'll reach the airport by 3:30AM. I replied back and gave him specific instructions on how to go to the pickup place.

3:26 he texted me that he made a wrong turn. I texted him back to give him instructions on how to get to the pickup place from where he made the wrong turn.

3:29 he texted me he'll be there in 3 minutes.

He was able to reach the pickup place at 335.

Home is Where the Heart Is

Home is where the heart is, and you're still the home I picture in my future..

Saw this from a friend's FB status, and I can truly relate

Maybe it's really not meant to be

I think I've done everything I can. I'm sooo very tired already. If this doesn't work out, I'm ready to give up and move on.

FB Status

I'm not single and I'm not in a relationship. I'm just waiting for the one that have my heart. And how I miss him and miss feeling whole again...

Great First Week

"GREAT first week! You have made a real positive impact on this business in just 5 days. Thank you very much." This is what my employer told me. And I can't help but remember what I had gone through my previous work and smile. I know it will be busier for me but I know that I made the right decision in moving on from my previous employer. I know managers can be the cause of people resigning and I hope not to be that kind of manager. I know that I'll be busier with my current work but with proper time management, I know I'll fare better here.

Yesterday, I'm really really glad that I was able to talk to someone so close to my heart. I wish we can go on as before, continue what we have and make it prosper. I know God will provide.

Afraid...

Saw you online but I'm afraid to talk to you... funny I've never been afraid to talk to anybody before.. but I'm afraid now.. afraid that you'll block me... but I wanted to tell you this... you know what's funny? my mom loves you more than any of her offspring's spouses because she knows that you'll take care of me. and i know that too. but we can do nothing abt it :(

Together....

Together forever, Never apart, Maybe in distance, But never in heart.

I saw this from a friend's FB status and made me sad. The thought is very sweet and I remember the times our hearts are still together and now I wonder if they still are, or if they ever will be :(

The Narrow Road

It's our locale's 83rd anniversary and during the bible exposition, this verse was read:

¹³ “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ¹⁴ But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
~ Matthew 7:13-14

A realization dawned on me then. It took me a year to decide to enter His Church and another year to fully understand His will and be baptized inside His church . There are a lot of churches claiming to be Christians and believing in the Bible too but only few does find out which is His true church. There are even those who had already found His true church, believes in the teachings, but unfortunately can't stand up for them, and are taken by the worries in this world. Indeed, narrow is the gate that leads to life.

I just hope that I can be a light that shines specially to the people I love and is not yet in His fold.

Blocked!

I have a nagging thought that a once very close and special person blocked me from FB but only had the chance to verify it yesterday. Maybe it's because I'm occupied and always forgot to check it or maybe because deep inside, I'm not ready to know the answer. Learning that he blocked me made me sad but I understand him for doing it. But as I think about it, it made me more sad that somehow I cant reach out to him anymore. This morning, another realization occurred to me. I think he has also blocked me in YM. Which made my heart more heavy since I always logged as invisible but I always made the effort to be visible to him so that somehow I can still reach him. But now, I think it's senseless. Oh well....

Farewell Letter

For those who are wondering why I left my company when I know that it takes good care of its employees and working with people there are like the camaraderie in high school or college, here is the letter I sent to our VP (and HR manager)

Dear Sir,

Since January of this year, I already felt the need to grow. I feel stagnant in my career and not fulfilled with what I'm doing. I try to ignore it but things and feelings have been piling up and last April, the feelings of being unsatisfied with my work were doubled when a manager mocked my abilities. But in fairness, said manager already apologized to me.

I am writing this, not to embarrass nor point fingers at anyone, but to tell you of what we, as employees, encounter with the organization, so you may improvise ways to improve the current system and the organization as a whole. I know that the management wants to keep their people and are open-minded for suggestions. Here are what I noticed during my almost three-year stay here:

• Career-wise

1. Career path. And I didn’t mean promotion or job titles. It's where you are headed. I feel stagnant in terms of what I know technologically.
2. Every SOP made is only followed in the first few days and is ignored the following days. It maybe due to lack of resources and heavy time constraints. New SOPs are also implemented without notifying all of the members.
3. Since there's no clear path, the ideas and methods of improving things are 'strike-anywhere' which results in nowhere
4. No clear turn over of knowledge. There's no schedule set for turn over. The employee learns as the tasks are given and since not all tasks will be handled in a specified period of time, the employee now feels inadequate that during the period of his stay, he only knows specific tasks and not all tasks
5. Lack of manpower resources. There are things that can be assigned to an OJT but the employee is the one doing them even if other teams have lots of OJT and they have lots of team members too. I don't know who requests for an OJT but I know that the management knows that a team is lacking in manpower.

• On Managers

1. It's nice to be a hands-on manager but the manager should have trust that his subordinates can do the task assigned to them. Lack of trust on the subordinates can make the subordinates feel inadequate. 
2. Doing the subordinates' task and asking how to do it might take more time than letting the subordinate do it. Plus the distraction it causes on the subordinate's part may lead to more errors than just allowing the subordinate do the tasks assigned to him.
3. Micromanaging might work with newly grads but not on employees with years of experience.
4. Know your resources. Having successive projects is ok. Having simultaneous projects with the same deadline and assigned to the same persons will cause more bugs / inefficient system deployment. This will also make that person feel inadequate
5. Belittling your subordinates is not giving them encouragement to do better.

• ITO / NOC

1. Be professional.

a)     Don't downgrade priority status of tickets without informing the one who assigned the ticket. The priority was raised to that level for a reason and not just for the assigner's whims

b)     Acknowledge requests sent so that the other party would know that you had seen it and not ignoring it

c)      The refrigerator is for everyone's use. But don't consume goods that are not yours, specially if they have names

d)     Being at home while working is ok. But this is still not your home so be professional enough in dealing with your co-workers.

I also hope that the 'lunch incident' during the company outing won't be left as it is. I think it's the company's responsibility to take care of the welfare of its employees. I think it's not right for the employees to lose their daily pay, or leaves, because of the unfortunate incident.

Again, I have nothing personal against any of the employees here. It has been nice working with everyone and who knows; maybe we can work together again in the future.

Regards and more power,

After one week of silence...

After 1 week of not hearing from my would-be employer in my work-from-home job venture, I had received the formal job offer I'm waiting this morning.

Tomorrow is my last day in my current job and I'll start with my new venture on Monday. The coming days will be busy as I tend to some government papers and prepare myself to the start of a new beginning, career-wise.

Amidst all of these, there's one thing (or person) I'm really missing. But I know that God will provide for my needs.