Maybe it's really not meant to be

I think I've done everything I can. I'm sooo very tired already. If this doesn't work out, I'm ready to give up and move on.

FB Status

I'm not single and I'm not in a relationship. I'm just waiting for the one that have my heart. And how I miss him and miss feeling whole again...

Great First Week

"GREAT first week! You have made a real positive impact on this business in just 5 days. Thank you very much." This is what my employer told me. And I can't help but remember what I had gone through my previous work and smile. I know it will be busier for me but I know that I made the right decision in moving on from my previous employer. I know managers can be the cause of people resigning and I hope not to be that kind of manager. I know that I'll be busier with my current work but with proper time management, I know I'll fare better here.

Yesterday, I'm really really glad that I was able to talk to someone so close to my heart. I wish we can go on as before, continue what we have and make it prosper. I know God will provide.

Afraid...

Saw you online but I'm afraid to talk to you... funny I've never been afraid to talk to anybody before.. but I'm afraid now.. afraid that you'll block me... but I wanted to tell you this... you know what's funny? my mom loves you more than any of her offspring's spouses because she knows that you'll take care of me. and i know that too. but we can do nothing abt it :(

Together....

Together forever, Never apart, Maybe in distance, But never in heart.

I saw this from a friend's FB status and made me sad. The thought is very sweet and I remember the times our hearts are still together and now I wonder if they still are, or if they ever will be :(

The Narrow Road

It's our locale's 83rd anniversary and during the bible exposition, this verse was read:

¹³ “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ¹⁴ But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
~ Matthew 7:13-14

A realization dawned on me then. It took me a year to decide to enter His Church and another year to fully understand His will and be baptized inside His church . There are a lot of churches claiming to be Christians and believing in the Bible too but only few does find out which is His true church. There are even those who had already found His true church, believes in the teachings, but unfortunately can't stand up for them, and are taken by the worries in this world. Indeed, narrow is the gate that leads to life.

I just hope that I can be a light that shines specially to the people I love and is not yet in His fold.

Blocked!

I have a nagging thought that a once very close and special person blocked me from FB but only had the chance to verify it yesterday. Maybe it's because I'm occupied and always forgot to check it or maybe because deep inside, I'm not ready to know the answer. Learning that he blocked me made me sad but I understand him for doing it. But as I think about it, it made me more sad that somehow I cant reach out to him anymore. This morning, another realization occurred to me. I think he has also blocked me in YM. Which made my heart more heavy since I always logged as invisible but I always made the effort to be visible to him so that somehow I can still reach him. But now, I think it's senseless. Oh well....

Farewell Letter

For those who are wondering why I left my company when I know that it takes good care of its employees and working with people there are like the camaraderie in high school or college, here is the letter I sent to our VP (and HR manager)

Dear Sir,

Since January of this year, I already felt the need to grow. I feel stagnant in my career and not fulfilled with what I'm doing. I try to ignore it but things and feelings have been piling up and last April, the feelings of being unsatisfied with my work were doubled when a manager mocked my abilities. But in fairness, said manager already apologized to me.

I am writing this, not to embarrass nor point fingers at anyone, but to tell you of what we, as employees, encounter with the organization, so you may improvise ways to improve the current system and the organization as a whole. I know that the management wants to keep their people and are open-minded for suggestions. Here are what I noticed during my almost three-year stay here:

• Career-wise

1. Career path. And I didn’t mean promotion or job titles. It's where you are headed. I feel stagnant in terms of what I know technologically.
2. Every SOP made is only followed in the first few days and is ignored the following days. It maybe due to lack of resources and heavy time constraints. New SOPs are also implemented without notifying all of the members.
3. Since there's no clear path, the ideas and methods of improving things are 'strike-anywhere' which results in nowhere
4. No clear turn over of knowledge. There's no schedule set for turn over. The employee learns as the tasks are given and since not all tasks will be handled in a specified period of time, the employee now feels inadequate that during the period of his stay, he only knows specific tasks and not all tasks
5. Lack of manpower resources. There are things that can be assigned to an OJT but the employee is the one doing them even if other teams have lots of OJT and they have lots of team members too. I don't know who requests for an OJT but I know that the management knows that a team is lacking in manpower.

• On Managers

1. It's nice to be a hands-on manager but the manager should have trust that his subordinates can do the task assigned to them. Lack of trust on the subordinates can make the subordinates feel inadequate. 
2. Doing the subordinates' task and asking how to do it might take more time than letting the subordinate do it. Plus the distraction it causes on the subordinate's part may lead to more errors than just allowing the subordinate do the tasks assigned to him.
3. Micromanaging might work with newly grads but not on employees with years of experience.
4. Know your resources. Having successive projects is ok. Having simultaneous projects with the same deadline and assigned to the same persons will cause more bugs / inefficient system deployment. This will also make that person feel inadequate
5. Belittling your subordinates is not giving them encouragement to do better.

• ITO / NOC

1. Be professional.

a)     Don't downgrade priority status of tickets without informing the one who assigned the ticket. The priority was raised to that level for a reason and not just for the assigner's whims

b)     Acknowledge requests sent so that the other party would know that you had seen it and not ignoring it

c)      The refrigerator is for everyone's use. But don't consume goods that are not yours, specially if they have names

d)     Being at home while working is ok. But this is still not your home so be professional enough in dealing with your co-workers.

I also hope that the 'lunch incident' during the company outing won't be left as it is. I think it's the company's responsibility to take care of the welfare of its employees. I think it's not right for the employees to lose their daily pay, or leaves, because of the unfortunate incident.

Again, I have nothing personal against any of the employees here. It has been nice working with everyone and who knows; maybe we can work together again in the future.

Regards and more power,

After one week of silence...

After 1 week of not hearing from my would-be employer in my work-from-home job venture, I had received the formal job offer I'm waiting this morning.

Tomorrow is my last day in my current job and I'll start with my new venture on Monday. The coming days will be busy as I tend to some government papers and prepare myself to the start of a new beginning, career-wise.

Amidst all of these, there's one thing (or person) I'm really missing. But I know that God will provide for my needs.

After The Storm

The weather has improved now. The storm has passed. I hope my mom's health will follow. And I hope this means the same for all the things I'm going through now.

Trust God

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

I know that God will get me through this. Even if it's killing me now...

Virus Attack

Seems like everyone in this house is having problems. First, me and my mom. Next, my computer just cultured some virus which wont allow me to connect to the internet and making me format my laptop again. Then, our satellite tv cant get signal. Good thing local antenna is working. Oh well. I hope this is the last of the list of misfortunes and after this, all good things will happen.

Life is Too Short

I received a shocking news when I logged to YM this morning and talked to my friend at work. One of our colleagues, 10 years my junior, died in his sleep. It was said he had nightmares. His body was discovered 7:20am today.

It's really shocking. We're not that close but there are a lot of things he can still do. He's not even sick. I wish, before I go, I'll be able to do the things that I dreamed of.

Another Day at the Hospital

My mom and I had stomach flu due to a Sponge Gourd or Luffa Actangula (which we locally call Patola) we ate for lunch last Sunday.

This was the second (or nth?) time we were victimized by this vegetable. I'm not 100% sure it's the patola but it most probably is. It's refreshing to eat with noodles and soup, but I dont know what's in it or what causes the upset stomach. This time as well as the previous time(s), it was an overly mature patola.

There was a funny bitter taste to the patola noodle soup we ate last Sunday which is unusual since patola should be a little sweet tasting. My mom thought it was the chicken liver which was an ingredient of the soup. I love chicken liver but I didnt eat it thinking it was what's causing the bitter taste. When I'm almost done, I tried a bit of the chicken liver and found out that it's not what's causing the bitter taste.

6 hours after eating lunch, I felt something funny with my tummy. I decided not to eat the patola noodle soup for dinner and told my mom what happened to me. She said it's still good and went on to eat it. Then, the nightmare came lol.

This time was doubly hard since I'm feeling sick myself but have to tend to her as well. Good thing that we just stayed for a little less than a day at the hospital and both of us are feeling better.

All in all, it's a tiring, expensive day but I'm still glad we're now back at home. Hopefully, this will be a lesson not to be 'too thrifty' where food is concerned.

Career Window

Ok, I've done it. After feeling unfulfilled and questioning where my career is going since the start of the year, I've tended my resignation today and will be staying here till end of June. I feel that I did the right thing, and I'm excited to start a new chapter of my life, career-wise. And looking forward to good results in other parts of my life

China's Android

 I recently posted that I had already bought a new phone after 10 months of waiting. Now, I was very excited to try Android Market apps but I cant connect to the service. I found from Sony Ericsson's Support that phones from China and Saudi Arabia dont have access to Market apps. And after inquiring at the seller, I found out that my phone was from China. Good thing, there were already a lot of Android enthusiasts at work and they are willing to teach me to root and override the settings. Hopefully, we can make it work.

need to belong

Sometimes I feel I dont belong. Good thing I can always count on my best friend. Unfortunately, I cant share this sadness I feel now.....

Weather and My Mood

The weather today reflects my mood.. gloomy with the rays of sunshine trying to peep in. I'll try to hold on to those bits of sunshine even when the weather around me is gloomy

After 10 months

10 months ago, I lost my pink Samsung Star Wifi just outside of the building I work in. My best friend was very supportive and forever looking for a phone that I might like. Unfortunately, I cant find one. I was in love with that phone and I dont want to buy the same phone. I was heartbroken when I lost it. It was my dream phone.

During those time, I'm using my old but very reliable Nokia 6020.

Until I was introduced to Android phones. I said I want to own one. But it's an expensive phone. Well, I'm not a patient girl but I wont spend more than P10,000 for a phone. The last phone I lost was P10,000+ lol. I even said I wont buy another high end phone when I lost it, or more like I wont buy another expensive phone.

After 10 months of looking and waiting, finally, I now have my dream phone, a red Sony Ericsson X10 Xperia mini pro for just P8,300.00!

And I really hope I wont lose this again. It's only my second day with my phone and I'm already attached to it

My New Hobby-to-be

My bestfriend show me a picture of a saltwater tank and since we both cant swim, I instantly got hooked to it. It was my first time to know that such an aquarium exists. Now, I'll be starting getting all the know-how that I need in preparation for this. I found this site, a step by step guide on how to start having your own saltwater tank